I’m sure you’ve heard of gaslighting, but do you know what it actually is? Gaslighting is a manipulative technique in which someone tries to convince another person that they are crazy or unstable. It’s very common in the workplace. Gaslighters use any means necessary to distract from their own shortcomings: they will use reverse psychology and blame to confuse you; they may also target your self esteem and justify their actions even if it is completely ridiculous.
Gaslighting is a deflection tactic.
Gaslighting is a deflection tactic. When someone gaslights you, they’re trying to distract from their own shortcomings and pin the blame on you. Gaslighting is about making you believe that something is your fault?that it’s all in your head, or that it’s not as bad as it seems. It’s also an attempt to make you doubt yourself and your sanity, which can be especially damaging if done over a long period of time (which often happens with gaslighting).
It’s important to remember that gaslighting at work isn’t something that just “happens” to people; it’s an act of manipulation by someone who wants power over another person.
Gaslighters use any means necessary to distract from their own shortcomings.
Gaslighters will use any means necessary to distract from their own shortcomings. They’ll play the victim, shift blame and guilt onto others, and relentlessly pick at your insecurities until you feel as if there must be something wrong with you. If that fails, you can expect gaslighting techniques like reverse psychology, where they try to make you think that by accepting the blame for something you did wrong (or didn’t do at all), then the person who is actually responsible will be forgiven and let off the hook.
If a fight happens at work, it’s likely due to this kind of manipulation by someone who wants attention at all costs?and one way or another they’ll find it
They will use reverse psychology and blame to confuse you.
The next time your boss uses reverse psychology on you, try to resist the urge to ask them why they are trying to say “no” when they actually mean “yes.” Instead, simply respond by saying something along the lines of “I don’t think that is necessary.” This will help re-focus your boss on what needs to be done and prevent any confusion about whether or not he or she actually wants you to do something.
If this does not work and your boss is still insisting that it isn’t necessary for him/her to speak up at an upcoming meeting (when in fact it is), consider changing tactics completely:
Gaslighters may also target your self esteem.
In addition to the direct verbal abuse, gaslighters may also target your self-esteem. They will either make comments directly to you or they will talk about you behind your back. These comments can include:
- Comments about your appearance (e.g., “You look fat today”)
- Comments about your work (e.g., “You did a bad job on that project”)
- Comments about your intelligence or ability (e.g., “I don’t know why they hired you; you don’t have any real skills”).
A gaslighter will justify their actions, even if it is completely ridiculous.
The gaslighter will justify their actions, even if it is completely ridiculous. They may say something like “I’m just trying to help you” or “you’re being difficult.” Or they may turn things around and accuse you of being irrational. They are experts at turning tables on others so that the blame rests on them, not their victim.
Gaslighters will play victim when it’s convenient for them.
Gaslighters know that they are doing wrong, so they try to make it look like you’re the one who caused the problem. They will play victim when it’s convenient for them.
When this happens, don’t believe their lies. They are trying to confuse you and make themselves look like heroes in your eyes: “Oh no! This person is acting horribly towards me! I need to let them have it so that they know how terrible they are acting towards me!”
Don’t play into this game by arguing with them or retaliating against them in any way. If someone has been gaslighting you, then they have probably made a lot of other people feel similarly disempowered and taken advantage of in their lives. And if someone else sees this happening and doesn’t speak up about it, then chances are good that some form of abuse will continue?and possibly escalate?until someone calls out what’s going on here.”
Sometimes a gaslighter will make themselves look like the hero.
Sometimes a gaslighter will make themselves look like the hero. If you challenge them on their behavior, they might tell you that they are simply trying to help, or that they’re just trying to be honest with you. They may even tell a lie about what happened in order to give themselves an excuse for why they acted the way they did.
The goal of this tactic is to get others on your side against you?to make it seem like you are being unreasonable or unproductive at work by taking offense at something small and petty. The aim is not necessarily for anyone else who hears about it from the gaslighter to believe them; rather, it’s meant as a way for these employees to justify their own actions and remain comfortable in doing whatever makes them feel good (or less uncomfortable), even if those actions hurt others around them.
Dragging others down is usually a sign of a gaslighter on the attack.
One of the most effective ways for a gaslighter to attack you is by dragging other people into the conversation. This can mean telling your boss that your co-worker doesn’t support you and that they’ve said bad things about you, or it can be something smaller like telling your friends how much they don’t like working with or living near someone else in the office.
Gaslighters will do this because they know it will make them look good while making their victims look bad in front of others. They want to cover up their own flaws by making others seem worse than them: which is why you’ll also see gaslighting used as a weapon against family members, too!
It’s okay to be angry at being gaslit.
I know how it feels to be gaslit at work. I was there myself, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with.
There is no shame in telling someone that their behavior has made you feel disrespected or hurt. It is not your job to make them happy by accepting their bad treatment of you. You are allowed to be angry about this situation, even if the person who did it didn’t mean any harm by it (or maybe even because they meant no harm by it). It doesn’t matter if they are a friend or family member ? what matters is that YOU feel hurt and upset, and we have every right as human beings not only acknowledge those feelings but also stand up for ourselves when others try to tell us otherwise.
Don’t let yourself be manipulated into believing you’re crazy.
While it might be tempting to believe that the gaslighter is right and that you are the one who has things wrong, don’t let yourself be manipulated into believing you’re crazy. You’re not! Gaslighting is a form of manipulation, and while it can be hard to see through it, as long as you know what gaslighting is and how it works, then you’ll know when someone’s trying to manipulate or control your behavior.
Remember: The person who’s gaslighting may use faulty logic to convince themselves that what they’re doing is right (or at least not wrong), but they will only ever use faulty logic when talking with others because they don’t care about other people’s feelings beyond using them for their own benefit.
Be aware of gaslighting in your workplace and fight back!
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and it’s common in the workplace. The classic example is when someone tries to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself or fighting for what you deserve. What does that look like? It might sound something like this: “Geez, can’t you just let it go?” or “You’re overreacting.” Or it could be as subtle as eye-rolling or sighing to indicate disagreement with what you’re saying or doing. This can happen at any time during an interaction where one person has more power than another (bosses mistreating their employees), but most often gaslighting takes place between peers who work together closely?e.g., teammates at work, close friends on project teams, etc.).
Conclusion
Gaslighting isn’t just something that happens in relationships. It can happen at work too, and it can have a negative impact on your self-esteem and mental state if you aren’t careful. This can lead to problems like anxiety or depression, so it’s important to be aware of gaslighting in your workplace and fight back!
